My Husband Laughed at the Anniversary Dinner I Spe…

I used to find that endearing, early on. I’d taken pictures of him sleeping, messy-haired and harmless, back when I still believed I was lucky. Now, I just saw a man who had no idea a bomb had gone off inside his own life.

In the morning, I woke before dawn. I lay there for a moment in the soft gray light, listening to Derek’s breathing, and let the decision settle into my bones. Then I got up.

I pulled on leggings, a sports bra, and an old Oregon State hoodie and went for a run. The air was cold enough to sting my lungs. Mist hung low over the streets, curling around the familiar craftsman houses and maple trees of our neighborhood.

I ran harder than I had in months, as if something inside me was trying to outrun the last seven years. By the time I got home, the sky was brightening. My muscles hummed.

My mind felt strangely clear. I showered, dressed in a navy sheath dress and ankle boots, and made coffee. For myself.