SAD NEW last night! At the stroke of midnight, Harry and Meghan suddenly went LIVE from the U.S. to deliver a SHOCKING ANNOUNCEMENT: ‘It is with deepest sorrow that we must inform you…’”

• King Charles III is said to have asked his aides: “Do we currently recognize the Principality of Montecito? And more importantly, do they serve Darjeeling with their blend?”

• Prince William is reportedly panicking, demanding that his K-Pop group, “Regal Rhythm,” record a diss track in response, potentially titled “Your Beans Are Bitter.”

• @RoyalTeaSpiller: “They’re literally using coffee to buy a country. You have to admire the sheer audacity. They are living the American dream, just slightly more sovereignly.”

The shock announcement ensures that the Sussexes will remain at the very centre of the global conversation, proving that while they may have left the Royal Family, their talent for generating massive,